How I Became The Shamanatrix

Sometimes you just have to get real.
 
Tell the truth.
 
Be at your most vulnerable so you can be the most real version of yourself possible.
 
Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone so you can step into your power and step into the best version of yourself possible.
 
Own your shadow. Embrace your light.
 
Today I just did the scariest and most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever done or dreamed of doing. I put myself out there on YouTube, telling my story of who I am, how I got here, and why I’m so passionate about what I do.
 
And I got real.
 
This was incredibly hard for me because I know how controversial and dark some of my story is. Maybe you already know some of my story and my colorful past, maybe that’s why we’re connected now, or maybe you have no idea who I was or what I went through to get here.
 
But at the end of the day—my shadowy past, and my unique experiences I’ve had along the road of life—are the reason I’m doing this shamanic healing work. And for all it, I am eternally grateful.
 
For the last year I’ve been working hard behind the scenes to create a new platform for sharing the same shamanic tools that have given me purpose, power, and a second chance at life.
 
I’ve been working on rebranding and re-launching as “The Shamanatrix” because I’m ready to own every aspect of my self, my story and my purpose, and because I want to offer you even more tools to reclaim your power and your life.
 
Because YOU’RE worth it. Every little bit of you. Every smidgen. Every freckle. Every flaw. Because you are your own closest ally. Especially when you embrace every bit of your self, whether you like all of those parts or not.
 
See, we all have shadow and sometimes we run from our past, our traumas, our stories and we intentionally disown some part of our self that could actually be our most powerful part. But that usually just causes more pain, self-splitting and sadness.
 
And it’s these wounds that want our love, acceptance and attention so we can truly heal them and embrace them for the wisdom and power they contain.
 
So today I want to challenge you to give a little bit more love to yourself.
All of yourself.
 
Especially the parts that maybe you don’t usually value, nurture or nourish. I want you to cut yourself a break and be gentle and easy on that part of yourself. And I want you to embrace it with everything you’ve got. And thank this part of yourself for existing, for showing up as a powerful teacher.
 
And then I want you to listen. And see what beautiful message this part of you has for yourself. Because I bet you there’s loads of wisdom in that little part of yourself. And sometimes we’ve got to get real with ourselves to get at it.
 
But I guarantee there’s a message there for you.
And that it’s gold, and that if you embrace it, accept it and love it exactly as is, that you’ll begin to love yourself more and become even more awesomely powerful than you already are.
 
So will you do that for me?
 
Will you do that for you?
 
I hope you do. Because I want to see you shine, my friend. I really do.
 
And I want you to check out my story of how I became The Shamanatrix. Because I’m ready to get real with you. And because I want to continue this dialogue and offer you a ton of free meditations, journeys, and information about shamanic healing because I want you to have all the tools possible to be in your power and shine your radiant light.
 
Because you’re worth it.
 
So make sure to subscribe to my channel to learn more! I’ll be offering free videos on my new YouTube Channel, The Shamanatrix Corner, every two weeks. You won't wanna miss any of it…I promise.

How I Became the Shamanatrix
 
Big hugs and high fives for embracing all of your fantastic self! Magic until next time,
 
Kristen Boyer
The Shamanatrix

My New Book: Between the Light and the Shadow: Transmuting Inner Darkness through Soul Retrieval

I am so pleased to announce that I am birthing a new book on shamanism called Between the Light and the Shadow: Transmuting Inner Darkness through Soul Retrieval expected to be completed Summer 2015!

My shamanic work has been growing and shifting over the years and my spirits have been nudging me to write a book focusing on soul retrieval and depossession to serve as a tool for education and inspiration. I have to say that the process of writing has been bringing me so much joy, especially because this doesn't feel at all like work--it feels like play-- and instead of me creating from a cognitive space, I am allowing this piece to flow through my heart. I almost feel like I can't take credit for it because it's flowing straight from spirit, with my own stories and flair, I suppose, but right from the spirits who encourage me to use my voice to bring their messages.

I'm delighted to give you a little teaser from a segment on past lives, a story called The Mind Blowing Head Wound. I prayed and prayed and asked spirit to bring through the stories and case studies that needed to be told to illustrate the concepts, and like a flood after days of torrential rain, new people with fascinating healing stories began to come into my life, honored to receive the healing work and honored to have their stories shared with the world. This true story is a little taste of what is to come and I hope that you enjoy it as much as I do!

The Mind Blowing Head Wound

I met James at a healing themed party in Queens one night and was thrilled when a few of us started up a discussion about past lives and past life memories. James was elated to find a group of like-minded people to share his recollection of past life memories that he had been experiencing over the course of his life. He seemed relieved to have safe space held for him where he wouldn’t come off as crazy broaching the subject of past identities.

James recalled his most recent past life as an entertainer in the New York/L.A. scene in the 1970’s. “It was crazy when I came to visit New York City for the first time. I was alone on a trip when I was 13 years old, and I couldn’t explain it, but I knew the city streets like the back of my hand. I knew where all of the nightclubs were and I knew where all of the bars and hotspots were too. The layout was so familiar to me, I didn’t even need to look at a map. It’s like I knew it by heart.” James paused in the conversation, turned his gaze down and frowned a bit. “I know how I died too. I remember it so clearly.” James paused and pushed his glasses up against his brow. “I was using heavy drugs and I was in a dark place.” He brushed his hand up against the back right side of his head and kept it there. “I put a gun in my mouth and I shot myself through the head. I was living in LA then. I shot myself in my apartment.” He paused and looked up at me again. “I’ve had terrible migraines all of my life, none of the doctors have ever been able to help alleviate them.”

The energy of James’s story was so strong I could feel his truth saturating the tale. He looked stuck, bewildered. His mouth slightly agape and his hand still rubbing the exit wound on the back of his head.

“Do you want it back?” I said. He looked at me with confusion. “Do you want that part of your soul back, from that life?” I repeated.

He nodded his head and I closed my eyes and immediately saw the apartment room in LA. It had low ceilings and it was a dark stuffy room. It felt like there were a lot of heavy energies in the room, perhaps stuck soul fragments, demons lost in the room, perhaps from heavy drug use and prostitution in the building. It felt like the walls were closing in. Then I saw James in that life. His spirit rushed to me.

I shouldn’t have done it, aww I shouldn’t have done it. I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done it. I really shouldn’t have done it. I saw his past life soul part pacing around repeating the same lines. I shouldn’t have done it, ohh I made a mistake! I shouldn’t have done it.

I asked the past life soul part if he wanted to come back and bring the desire to live with him. I saw Jesus come to comfort the side of the past life part. “It’s safe to come back now, it’s okay,” I soothed him. “You’re forgiven and you can come back to James now and help him.” The soul part began to grow brighter with relief and with the help of Jesus we brought him back. I blew the energy of James’s past life directly into the spot on his head he had been tending to.

The girl sitting to James’s right side on the couch jumped back in surprise. “Wow! I could see that shift,” she said. “Something just happened in his head.”

James’s eyes became wide and he patted the top of his head in a different way. “I can feel my brain now. Wow, its like that whole side of my brain’s been paralyzed for the last 24 years! It feels completely different now!”

 

What was so interesting about the retrieval was that I had the chance to see James notice new parts of himself emerge and integrate over the course of the evening. Usually my sessions are done in office and my clients leave before I can bear witness to the bigger shifts they experience afterwards. It was quite funny to see James make new connections in his mind about blockages that he’s had due to the retardation of certain functions in that region of the brain. “I’ve had intimacy issues in the past because of the part of my brain that’s been shut off,” he postulated.

Later, we did a retrieval for more of James’s past life around the reason for his suicide. I was guided to an image of James’s wife. She was sad, withdrawn, and I watched her love for James decay over a period of time. It was as if her heart connection was shutting down in relation to their partnership. I saw a flash of James in that past life with a prostitute in his bed, while he was still married. The scene returned to that of his wife, disconnecting from James because she could feel, or was somehow aware of his lack of faithfulness. Reluctantly, I saw her turn her heart away from James and to other men to comfort her. It felt like she still longed for James but needed to energetically sever the connection, take on other lovers, in order to forget him. I saw this shift in her deeply affect James. It darkened his heart and robbed him of the passion to love as purely and his passion to be alive. I was taken back to the scene of his suicide I had seen before. The spirits commented that that was a contributing reason for taking his life.

I asked the spirits if they would bring his heart back and I was taken to yet another scene. This time James was in a different past life. It felt like it was Holland in the 1600’s. I could summon this because I saw the tulips everywhere across the countryside. I saw James--this time he was a young Dutch boy. I saw his beloved. She was a young little blonde girl who lived across the street in their quaint little village. Her energy was so innocent, so pure. I watched him interact with her as a young boy. They were truly in love, and in such a pure, sweet way. I saw that James recognized her soul during his life in the 1970’s. She had the same sweetness about her. When they first connected in that life, their love shared the same lightness and purity about it as in that previous lifetime in Holland, but as James became an entertainer, his energy shifted and his ego expanded and their love suffered as a result. He wasn’t meant to share love with her after he lost his purity. I saw her begin to distance herself—and her heart—from him. I saw her finding joy with another man. I noticed that her love was not as light and as free with this new partner, but it was more than she could express to James at that point. Part of her heart had died because of his unfaithfulness and shift to stardom. As a reaction to her loss of love for him, he too began to lose faith in love, and his path became increasingly dark and reckless. The drugs began to consume him and the suicidal thoughts crept in.

            Can we bring his heart back? I asked my spirits and watched as they prepared the soul parts to come back to him. I saw the sweet innocence of the love he share with his wife in the two past lives and I brought back the love that they shared before James’s career shift in the 1970’s. I blew the love connection and desire to live and love freely back into his heart. I rattled over him to seal in the pieces and asked James to contact me again in two weeks to follow up on the changes.

            Two weeks passed by and James had already sent me several messages about his various shifts and epiphanies. I even had the opportunity to attend a stand-up comedic show that he performed at in New York, not knowing that he would be a guest comic! As I watched him on stage he made a few jokes about death that I really had to laugh at, because I knew of his deep relationship to the subject. He laughed about how we bury our dead in the strangest positions, with the hands down, cupped over the pelvis. James began to move about the stage showing off various, more attractive poses. At one point he struck a very Hollywoodesque pose with his left hand poised up against his head as if he were having fashion shots taken. Every couple of lines he paused and said, “goddamnit,” then would move onto the next joke.

            After the show, James rushed up to me, his face painted with delight. “How are you?” I asked with excitement. “How’s your head feeling?”

            James shook his head, his mouth open in disbelief. “It’s like I feel my entire head right now in a way I have never felt before. I feel so much more present. It’s even like I’m walking differently, like I’m using my brain more fully or something.” He paused and smiled. “I kept saying goddamnit up there because I would pause and just feel more of myself up on stage like I haven’t before. It’s been crazy! My head is still tingling and it’s like I’m feeling so much more connected to my heart!”

            A couple of days later James phoned me up again. More shifts were happening for him that he wanted to share. “I realized that I’ve been getting better with my presence on stage and I’ve been remembering something that comedy coaches have been saying for years that just didn’t resonate until now. They kept saying that I wasn’t emotionally connected to my material and that it’s like I wasn’t in my body when I was on stage and now I get it. Ever since the retrieval I’m in my body in a way that I wasn’t before, it’s like I have a fuller range of motion that I’m now able to utilize on stage. Since I got my brain back my emotions are much more balanced and my heart feels better. I went through a period a while back where my emotions were all over the place and I finally feel like they’re all balancing out. Another funny thing is that I’m not getting acid reflux anymore. It’s all really amazing! It feels great!”

            I’m still in touch with James and love to hear how things continue to shift and surface for him.

 

Soul Retrieval the Missing Link

Shamanism is the oldest form of spiritual practice and has been used the world over for thousands of years to support individuals emotionally and spiritually within the greater community.  When I discovered shamanism, and specifically the unique practice of soul retrieval, I was convinced that I had stumbled upon the missing link to our modern psychotherapeutic practices. I had trained in creative arts therapies, movement therapies, talk therapy and drama therapy through my work as a professional dominatrix and found that progress was slow for clients to heal old wounds. Creative arts and movement offered an avenue for my clients to access inner wisdom about past traumas without feeling directly re-traumatized, yet even after consistent long term therapy my clients still felt stuck in their stories, disempowered and frustrated about not being able to fully move forward. My dominatrix clients would come to me time and time again with the same role play scenarios where they re-enacted scenes of disempowerment and abuse attempting to strike a balance through consensual play or by taking on a more empowering role in the dramatic play. Through both avenues of therapies a greater sense of self-awareness had blossomed but they still felt as though they were missing valuable parts of themselves. They didn’t feel whole.

When I was introduced to soul retrieval, I had one of those aha moments. The kind where your eyes are open wide and you can never go back to seeing life the way it was before (and nor would you want to!) Could you imagine going right from a talk therapy session to the retrieval of that part of yourself that you've been talking about for years? Can you imagine being reunited with a piece of yourself that you haven't felt since you can remember?

I once had a client who was getting lost in telling her story. I stopped her and I asked, "Barbara, what is it that you really want?" She looked at me with surprise and said, "What is this? Making a Christmas List for Santa Claus?"

"Yes," I replied. "It's kinda like magic." And it is. Just as that part of you disconnects and leaves when it's not safe, it can come back to you when the threatening situation has dissipated and you are ready to welcome it back. And when it returns, it brings with it the innocence, vitality, and energy that it left with and is ready and willing to help you heal that old wound.